J
Jim
Guest
A Jelly Baby walks into a bar, and starts talking to a Smartie.
After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along?"
The Jelly Baby says "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up
getting my head kicked in."
So Smartie says "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look after you."
Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute, then says "Fair enough, as
long as you'll look after me", and off they go.
After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in. As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table.
The Lockets take one look at jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking cola bottles over his little jelly head, lamping him with little sugary chairs, and generally having a laugh.
After a while they get bored and walk out.
Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly Baby body over to the table, and wipes up his Jelly Baby blood.
He turns to Smartie and says "I thought you were going to look after me!"
"I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are f***ing menthol!"
-----------------------------
Imagine if all major retailers started making their own condoms and kept the same tag-line............
Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better
Tesco Condoms - every little helps
Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life.
KFC Condoms - Finger Licking good.
Minstrels Condoms -melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
Abbey National condoms - because life is complicated enough.
Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.
Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going.
Pringles condoms - once you pop, you cant stop
Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper
FC UK condoms - no comment required.
Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile.
Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.
Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long
Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin
Ronseal quick-drying condoms - its dry and waterproof in 30 minutes
Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim!!!
Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach
Carlsberg condoms - probably the best condom in the world
AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service
Polo condoms - the condom with the hole!!!
After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along?"
The Jelly Baby says "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up
getting my head kicked in."
So Smartie says "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look after you."
Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute, then says "Fair enough, as
long as you'll look after me", and off they go.
After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in. As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table.
The Lockets take one look at jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking cola bottles over his little jelly head, lamping him with little sugary chairs, and generally having a laugh.
After a while they get bored and walk out.
Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly Baby body over to the table, and wipes up his Jelly Baby blood.
He turns to Smartie and says "I thought you were going to look after me!"
"I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are f***ing menthol!"
-----------------------------
Imagine if all major retailers started making their own condoms and kept the same tag-line............
Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better
Tesco Condoms - every little helps
Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life.
KFC Condoms - Finger Licking good.
Minstrels Condoms -melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
Abbey National condoms - because life is complicated enough.
Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.
Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going.
Pringles condoms - once you pop, you cant stop
Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper
FC UK condoms - no comment required.
Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile.
Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.
Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long
Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin
Ronseal quick-drying condoms - its dry and waterproof in 30 minutes
Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim!!!
Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach
Carlsberg condoms - probably the best condom in the world
AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service
Polo condoms - the condom with the hole!!!