And now for some humour...

[Jim]

A Jelly Baby walks into a bar, and starts talking to a Smartie.

After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along?"

The Jelly Baby says "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up
getting my head kicked in."

So Smartie says "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look after you."

Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute, then says "Fair enough, as
long as you'll look after me", and off they go.

After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in. As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table.

The Lockets take one look at jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking cola bottles over his little jelly head, lamping him with little sugary chairs, and generally having a laugh.

After a while they get bored and walk out.
Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly Baby body over to the table, and wipes up his Jelly Baby blood.

He turns to Smartie and says "I thought you were going to look after me!"

"I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are f***ing menthol!"


-----------------------------

Imagine if all major retailers started making their own condoms and kept the same tag-line............


Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better

Tesco Condoms - every little helps

Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life.

KFC Condoms - Finger Licking good.

Minstrels Condoms -melt in your mouth, not in your hands.

Abbey National condoms - because life is complicated enough.

Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.

Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going.

Pringles condoms - once you pop, you cant stop

Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper

FC UK condoms - no comment required.

Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile.

Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.

Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long

Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin

Ronseal quick-drying condoms - its dry and waterproof in 30 minutes

Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim!!!

Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach

Carlsberg condoms - probably the best condom in the world

AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service

Polo condoms - the condom with the hole!!!

 

[kev_mono72]

haha! This isnt gona seem as funny after dat but

A man stumbles out of the pub and wanders down the road, he sees a nun and proceeds to beat the living sh*te out of her. He leaves her black and blue and continues to walk down the road, but not before saying "Not so tough tonight, are ya batman!"

 

[quickdraw]

Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim!!!

has to be the best and tickled me for some unsosciable reason.

but all the same good. glad to see someone else spamming jokes and utter nonsese than me this time

well done. give u a silver star for them both.

as for KEV. dissapoiting u could have done better i give you an E

 

[Jim]

glad to see someone else spamming jokes and utter nonsese than me this time

heh, i'm paying for my spam now though, so i'm allowed

 

[kev_mono72]

What r u, my history teacher!

A pacific cruise ship sinx, leaves 3 suvivors, Darren, David and Lucy. They swim to a small island and live there for a couple of years doing what comes naturally. But soon Lucy feels so bad about having sex with both David and Darren that she kills herself! Sad for David and Darren but they get over it and again, nature takes its course! After a couple more years da lads feel bad for what their doing so they bury her


What gets longer when pulled, fits nice between a womans tits, inserts neatly in a hole and works best when jerked hard?

A seatbelt


A blonde goes into a mechanic and asks what was wrong with her car? The mechanic replies Ah just sh*te in the altinator
The blonde then asks, Oh right, how often do i have to do that?
(no offence to blondes btw)


Sex is like a card game, if u dont hav a good partner, u'd better hav a good hand!


They any better for ya Quicky?

 

[Arnold]

LMAO, they're pretty good

 

[RaptorRVL]

hehe, I liked the one about the nun hihi
For some reason I always like those jokes hehehe

 

[kev_mono72]

Thanx, glad to see sum1 likes them

 

[kev_mono72]

Chinese man rings his boss "Me no work today, me sick"
The boss says "Well, when ever im sick i just f*ck my wife and i feel better, try dat"
2 hrs later the boss gets another phone call "Me better, you hav nice house!"

 

[wilsonian]

some funny jokes there - liked the batman one myself!