Joke!

[curtis]

We should have a jokes section!

so here goes:

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there Is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door And Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come On in for a beer!" Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical.

After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just Lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.

"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts. "Yup," Dave say's, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington ." And off they go.

At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and Motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was Just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.

Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards So let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with thePope."

He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.

Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the Balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a Heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw ... You and the Pope Came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the f***k Is that on the balcony with Dave

 

[pjg1979]

Hard it before but it's still a great joke. lol.

 

[sonic]

Rofl

 

[curtis]

Another blonde joke...

To prepare for his big date, a young man went to the rooftop
of apartment building to work on his tan.
Not wanting any tan lines, he sunbathed in the nude.Unfortunately, he fell asleep and sunburned his Johnson,
Being very determined, he decided not to miss his date with the hot blonde,
so he put some ointment on the beast and wrapped it in gauze.
The young man's date, a beautiful blonde, showed up at his
apartment or the promised home cooked meal, and was treated to a feast. After they finished with the dinner they went into the living room to
watch a movie,During the movie, the young man's sunburn began to hurt.After several minutes of extreme discomfort he asked to be excused.
A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain.
So he went to the kitchen, poured a tall glass of cold milk, and
placed his sunburned member into the milk. He experienced
immediate relief.The blonde, wondering what the young man was doing, wandered into
he kitchen and found him with his "tool" immersed in the glass of milk.
With a look of understanding the Blonde exclaimed,

"SO, THAT'S HOW YOU RELOAD THOSE THINGS!

Best chat up lines-----comebacks

Man: Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Woman: Yes that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there calls you an ugly
****.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: That explains the moustache then!

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilised.
Man: No problem, I'll just shoot my load up your arse.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: Probably, cause you seem like the kind of bird that is
impossible to shake off once you've been shag#ed.

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Fortunately, somewhere else.
Man: Just as well cos I've been sha*ging your mum while your dad
watches.

Man: You're pretty
Woman: ####s off.
Man: Don't interrupt, You're pretty... ####### ugly.

Love dress!!

A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house.
She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.

She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law laying on the couch,
totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the
room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in-law
answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Mike loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to
no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes
romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."



The mother-in-law left.

When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume,
dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, laid on the couch waiting for
her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there
so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?

 

[Rob..]

haha that love dress was the best!
i'd put one or two down but they've all escaped me now

 

[Robb]

Ok so Superman is flying over an apartment building when he spots Wonderwoman sunbathing naked on her back. He thinks to himself, i could probably go for a quickie without her even noticing (being Superman and very fast etc.). So he swoops down on top of her, does his thing, and flies off at lightening speed! Wonderwoman then shouts 'what the hell was that?!', to which The Invisible Man replies 'i dunno but my arse hurts!'.

 

[curtis]

lol yes thats a good one!!

 

[squarepants]

LMAO there awsome! iam still laughing now!